


And That Was All That Really Mattered

by superkim111



Category: Naruto
Genre: Asphyxiation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superkim111/pseuds/superkim111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written for a contest on dA where all contestants had to draw a picture or write a story based on a chosen work. This was my entry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And That Was All That Really Mattered

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I Loved You, Iruka](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/34950) by Nezkov-Sou. 



Kakashi couldn’t breathe.  
  
He was trying to, he really was, but no matter how hard he tried he still felt like he was suffocating.   
  
Distantly he knew that he wasn’t. He knew that it was only a genjutsu that was making him feel like this. Just like he knew that the cell around him wasn’t real. He was not a prisoner. The writing on the wall was not his. That was not his bloody hand print on the wall.   
  
But it felt like it was and that was all that really mattered.  
  
Hours passed or at least what felt like hours. Then suddenly the door to his cell slowly creaked open.  
  
 _"Having trouble breathing,"_  a voice asked with a chuckle as a body started to come into view.  
  
Of course he was. And the man knew that. He was the reason he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know how he knew that but he knew. And that was all that really mattered.  
  
 _"I could make it stop you know. But I won’t,"_  the voice taunted cruelly as its body finally became visible.  
  
Kakashi’s eyes widened. No. It was impossible. It couldn’t be him. He wasn’t here. And yet he was. And he was coming closer. And every step the man took towards him made Kakashi’s breathing worse. He tried to loosen his collar so that maybe, just maybe, he could breathe easier. But his arms felt so heavy and when he finally managed to grip his collar all he could do was hold it.  
  
 _"You deserve this. You know you do. Everything you’ve done. All the blood that’s on your hands. You deserve to die,"_ the voice hissed as the man it belonged to crouched in front of him and moved his hand so that it felt back on the floor.  
  
No. He was lying. He didn’t deserve this. He wasn’t sure that anyone deserved this.  
  
 _"I’m not lying. All the people you’ve killed, all the people you’ve hurt, all the people you’ve left behind. You deserve to die for that. You deserve to die for what you did to me,"_ the voice growled, a hand darting out to grab him by his hair and pull him in closer.  
  
He was touching him. He was touching him and he couldn’t breathe and the man looked so angry and so hurt and it was all his fault. Somehow it was all his fault. And that was all that really mattered.  
  
Kakashi tried to explain. He tried to apologize. He tried to beg for forgiveness. But in the end all he could choke out was, “I loved you, Iruka.”  
  
 _"If that was true then why am I dead,"_ Iruka asked venomously.  
  
And he was. How had he not noticed it? He was covered in wounds and blood that made his grip slippery as he wrapped his hands around Kakahi’s neck and started to squeeze.  
  
 _"You said you’d protect me! You said that I would never have to worry because you’d keep me safe! But you failed! You failed and now I’m dead and it’s all your fault,"_ Iruka screamed as he squeezed harder and harder and the little oxygen that had been flowing into the jonin’s lungs was cut off.   
  
He was going to die.  
  
He deserved to die.  
  
And that was all that really mattered.  
  
 _"I hate you! I hate you-"_  
  
 **"Kakashi!"**  
  
He bolted up, his chest heaving and his eyes darting wildly around the room.  
  
 **"It’s okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream,"**  Iruka said gently, barely resisting the urge to lay his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He’d done that the first time Kakashi had a nightmare and he’d almost had his wrist broken.   
  
 **"Were you back there,"** the chunin asked softly.  
  
Kakashi nodded as he gradually started to calm down. It was only a dream. He was in his own bed in his own apartment and Iruka was safe. But god did he hate this. Ever since his last mission had gone wrong he’d been having the same nightmare again and again. He couldn’t get rid of it. He’d been offered sleeping pills in an attempt to keep him from dreaming anything but he had refused. A warrior should never let down their guard unless it was absolutely necessary.  
  
 **"It’s been an entire week since you last had it. That’s a new record,"**  Iruka stated in an effort to cheer him up.  
  
"It’s not good enough," Kakashi replied as he leaned to the side and laid his head on his boyfriend’s chest.  
  
Iruka recognized the signal and wrapped his arms around him.  **"Stop beating yourself up over this. Lady Tsunade herself said how resilient you were against that genjutsu,"**  he chided as he rested his head on top of Kakashi’s.  
  
"I got lucky. If Kurenai hadn’t broken the jutsu when she did I wouldn’t have survived," the jounin argued though his heart wasn’t really into it.  
  
Iruka sighed. He was painfully aware of how close he’d come to losing him. And the fact that Kakashi hadn’t told him what the genjutsu had made him see wasn’t helping anything. But no matter how desperately he wanted to know what had happened he had to respect his boyfriend’s wishes. Besides the only other people who knew what he’d seen were Kurenai and Lady Tsunade herself and he doubted either of them would tell him.  
  
 **"We should try to get some more sleep. I have a class to teach tomorrow and you have another appointment with Lady Tsunade,"**  Iruka reminded him. He didn’t even need to point out how obviously exhausted the jounin was.   
  
"I know," Kakashi said with a sigh of his own before gently pushing Iruka back down on the bed so that he was laying in the chunin’s arms. Usually he was the one holding him but right now he felt better being the one who was held. When he got over this things could go back to the way they were but for now this worked just fine.  
  
 **"I love you,"** Iruka said softly before kissing the jounin’s forehead.  
  
"I love you too," Kakashi replied with a slight smile. He probably wouldn’t be falling back asleep anytime soon but for now he was right where he wanted to be.   
  
He was home.  
  
And that was all that really mattered.


End file.
